Is Loving Yourself selfish?

It’s no secret, I LOVE to travel! I love exploring this beautiful world around us.

Yes, I have seen some of the most magnificent oceans, mountains, forests and so much more. But, most of all, I love meeting people from all over the world.

Through the interactions I have had with them, I discovered the beauty within a human being when their suffering is transformed to passion: when fear subsides and LOVE is the driving force in their daily interactions and actions.

From one continent to the next, one country to the next, one city to the next, we may have different cultures, traditions and beliefs, but deep down we ARE all the same. We have all known pain and suffering and we all long to be loved and feel valued.

We may live and go through different challenges and difficult life situations, but the quality of the emotion that is felt is the same: Pain.

I have heard many times over, “no matter what I do or say, no matter how hard I try to help others, no one really appreciates any of it.” Or “Loving yourself is selfish. Giving and putting your full attention on the well being of others is the most important thing.”

Loving yourself is not selfish, it is absolutely necessary!

We need to build a strong inner foundation to be able to face the outside world and life’s challenges and hardships: a foundation build from love.

We probably all know and have heard that LOVE is the most important thing of all, right?

So, how are we supposed to give love to others if we are not filled with it inside? Don’t you have to first fill up the glass with water before giving water to a thirsty person?

Loving yourself doesn’t mean, “that’s it, I’m just going to think about myself, do whatever I want to get what I need and screw everyone else.” It doesn’t mean, “Since I need others’ attention to feel valued, I’m going to judge, criticize and blame them when they don’t give me the attention I need.”

Remember, we are talking about LOVE. We are talking about loving yourself. Where there is love, there’s no room for selfishness.

Selfishness is a product of fear. Sometimes, it tricks us in believing we are helping others by trying to constantly please them or always being there for them when they need us. The thing is that if we are not filled with self love, this attention we give to others may be a means to get them to fill up our empty glass inside.

When you are loving yourself, you’re glass is full within with an abundance of love and you have plenty to share with others without expecting or needing ANYTHING in return from them. And, you will take responsibility for the hurtful effect your actions may have caused on others.

Most importantly, when you are loving yourself, you see and feel through the eyes and heart of love. You discover your own unique potential and bring it out to the world. You recognize and are capable of receiving love from others: you will not allow others’ hurtful ways to disrupt your peace and happiness. Loving yourself lets all this be possible without any effort. You are filled with the vitality, energy which brings about a right action and lets you walk away without carrying the heavy burden of pain.

How you feel about yourself and treat yourself will influence what you receive and accept from others. If you are not loving yourself, how can you possibly expect others to do it for you?

When you take responsibility for your own feelings and needs, you will fill that empty glass within with love; a love that can never be taken away from you.

Right now, in this moment, as you’re reading this, look deep inside yourself.

Ask yourself.

“Am I trying to be someone I’m not?”

“Do I criticize or judge myself when I make a mistake, my appearance, my job, my belongings and so on?”

“Do I compare myself to others and set unrealistic expectations on myself to be like them?”

“Am I constantly trying to fix myself, trying to please others to get their approval?”

“Do I judge and criticize others for not giving me the attention I want from them?”

There are probably so many other questions you can add to ask yourself. These will get you started to bring your attention to yourself and discover if you are loving yourself or are you your own worst enemy.

Whatever pain, hurt or suffering you’re feeling, be with it, without judging or criticizing it. Don’t run away from it and distract yourself from it. Face it. It’s begging for your loving, caring attention, NOT that of others. Let it reveal itself and it will transform in passion and fill you with that one beautiful quality that will completely transform your life: LOVE!

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This entry was posted in Power to Let Go and tagged , .

2 Responses to Is Loving Yourself selfish?

  1. Chas says:

    Antonia, this is wonderful.You explained beautifully the misconceptions we often have about self-love. I would like to share with you a couple of related quotes; “Love. The indigenous nature of the soul…” ~Morris Hyman, M.D. (b.1908), “The Intuition,” “Congenital Alterable Transmissible Asymmetry: The Spiritual Meaning of Disease and Science”, 1970. “Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” ~Khalil Gibran. I will be sharing this on beBee. I still wish for you to join that site.;-)

    • Antonia says:

      Hi Chas,

      Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful quotes!!