Ever heard the saying, “One thing that never changes is CHANGE!”
Maybe this time of the year has something to do with it but, it seems that come spring time, change becomes more powerful. I guess that’s what they mean by, “spring brings new beginnings!”
Recently, many of my coaching with clients and group conferences have revolved around one common thing: Change.
What’s worse is that it’s a change that happened beyond their control. Either a job loss, a divorce, or stay at home moms who are faced with their last child starting school next fall. Making them feel like they’re probably at the lowest point in their lives and completely broken inside.
Talk about new beginnings!
When we find ourselves in any kind of major personal change, we are often confronted with having to face our fears (fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, etc). Whether it was our job, our spouse, our children or any other situation, these things gave us a sense of worth. We identified ourselves with them and were able to hide behind our fears through them. Now, they are gone and our sense of purpose and meaning has been stripped away from us.
From my own experience, here’s something I’ve come to learn. The reason why we identify ourselves with our external situations, status, relationships or possessions is because from a young age we were told, “You need to make something of yourself. Find someone who will make you happy.” So, basically, we were taught that unless we didn’t do these things we were nothing and could never be happy.
I can tell you that even when I had those things, at some point, I was waking up in the morning and was miserable. Having to let go of my job and belongings was the hardest thing. I was losing everything that had become familiar to me. At the same time, I realized that those things never identified me. They had made me become someone I had been taught to be, they were not me.
If you’re going through a major personal change right now, embrace it.
You have been given the best opportunity ever to re-discover yourself for a new beginning.
I know it’s not easy. Whatever emotion this change has stirred up inside you, it’s ok. Don’t ignore it. The reason why it probably feels like the lowest point in your life is because it has been buried inside for a long time. This change, like all changes is your opportunity to break free and awaken your true self.
You Are Not Your Situation
Whatever you’re living in this present moment is not what defines your worth and value. The only way it does, is if you CHOSE to do so. You are the only one who has that power, nothing and no one can ever do so without your consent. What really matters is the way you respond, the way you chose to interpret and react to your experiences in life.
There’s a reason why you don’t have control over certain life situations; they do NOT shape who you are.
There’s a reason why they occur and appear in your life; to give you the wonderful opportunity of discovering the real you by confronting them.
It is your resistance to change, to the way you chose to respond to your present situation that is causing you pain, NOT the situation. The situation is there to remind you of this and to have you let go of the false belief that external factors define you. Remember, everything you’ve done, all your accomplishments can never be taken away. Your situation changed but, you didn’t lose these things. Papa Jaime once told me, “The joy and happiness inside you is the result of what you’ve done.” (Listen to his interview here). Love yourself, when you connect with love, great things happen.
Embrace Your Present Moment
Where you are right now is exactly where you need to be. It is a very important step (probably the hardest step) towards living YOUR best life. Sometimes, what seems like our darkest place is necessary to set us out to achieve greatness. (Read the story of the cow).
Don’t compare your situation to what others are doing or living. They are experiencing their own circumstances. Remember, we all have our fears, we all face struggles. This is YOUR journey. Don’t judge it, don’t judge yourself with thoughts of failure or where you should or should not be. You are here! You are in control of your reaction and response. Knowing this will allow you to separate yourself from identifying with a situation and discover that your true identity lies in your response. This control will guide you in taking decisions and actions you need to take to move forward.
Your pain will slowly heal and transform in a deep understanding and loving wisdom of yourself and all LIFE!
If you think about it, change is part of the beauty of nature. We are also part of this universal constant beauty around us. Without change, all beauty ceases to grow and blossom. The realization that as a part of nature we must go through change in order for our unique beauty inside to blossom makes it easier to accept and create a new life.
“I am not what happened to me. I am what I chose to become” – Carl Jung