Kick Start 2012: Don’t Look Back; Look Straight Ahead

I want to start the new year by sharing with you some lessons I have learned to make 2012 the year that you made a change!

You will need a note book, I titled mine “Kick Start 2012”, feel free to use the same one or create your own that will motivate you. Now, I will need your co-operation because you will have some homework to do… I have not yet mastered the talent of waving my magic wand and making it all happen for you. Don’t worry, it will not require much time and you will not be graded on it.

Yes, your homework will require writing!! One of the most powerful healing of “letting go” technique I have learned is the power of writing. Writing allows you to be true to yourself in expressing emotions kept in the dark. Emotions that you don’t dare share with others for fear of looking “weak” or “stupid”. Writing helps you to break open, express your feelings and give you a sense of control. So, I will emphasize this point often as we go along.

Your first Heading will be:

Letting Go Of Regrets And Mistakes”

We all have them. They are the things we wish we didn’t say or do and the things we wish we did say and do. From personal experience, the reason why we are stuck to these images and events from our past is because we assumed that the course of our life would have turned out much different than it is with the decisions we made.

Under this heading, you will have 4 categories (You may structure this in any way that works best for you):

1. “Acknowledging a regret or mistake”

Whether a regret or mistake stems from a career, parenting, health, friendship or romantic relationship, you need to take responsibility that you played a role in it. It could very well be that it was probably out of your control, however, acknowledge your responsibility, maybe it was a decision you took. Remember one very important thing, deep in your hearts, at the time you took the decision, you did so with the best intention and chose the best options available to you. Write it down! This will allow you to gain empowerment for future decisions.

2. “Stop Victimizing Myself”

We tend to find ways to hide our mistakes and regrets. Victimizing ourselves is a perfect  “getaway”, the perfect place to hide where no one will know of our mistakes and regrets. I want you to write down all times you “blamed” a certain situation on someone or on a circumstance. Write your true, honest feelings about the situation. Now, reflect on it and write down how you were involved in it.

3. “Lesson Learned”

What lesson did you learn from it. There is a lesson in every regret and mistake. The reason why people are not able to let go of their regrets and mistakes is because they missed the opportunity to learn from it. They will always be stuck in the what “could” have been state of mind. This state will only keep accumulating and build stronger walls to moving forward. So, for every what “could” have been that creeps up in your thoughts, for every “complaining” session you have with your friends for your current situation, I want you to WRITE it down, acknowledge it, take responsibility and write the LESSON LEARNED, it is the only way you will find value in it. To help you with this, think of why you can’t let go of it and why you would like to put it behind you.

4. “Take Action”

Once you have determined the lesson learned, what action will you take not to make the same mistakes or mend from them. You will be surprised on how you can actually use the lesson learned to help others. Set yourself a goal to achieve. It could be a short term or long term goal. You need to know where you want to go in planning your actions. Be realistic with your expectations. Do not set a goal where you tell yourself that you will be in the next Olympics if you have never trained before. You will probably realize the reason for your regrets in the first place. Example: “I will stop complaining and see things in a positive way” or “I will take that cooking course I have been putting off and pursue my dream” WRITE them down!

Start with baby steps

It is hard to let go of a regret or mistake that has been haunting us for years. Start with a small one. Maybe you did not go to the after work get together, after a long week, you decided to go home and relax. You find out that it turned out to be a big event and missed meeting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! Not the most devastating regret of your life, right? Once you make way with this one, you will notice how good it feels and you will be able to work your way up and make peace with all of them. Write the first one down and follow the same steps for each one.

You are where you are! Stop thinking that maybe you could have been happier today if only you had taken “that” course and continued school, maybe I would have had a better life if I had married my first boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe my child would be different if only I had done… The truth is you do not know that it would have been better. It could actually have been worse. Things have changed since then, nothing stays the same, your situation would have probably been a lot different than it is, but, not better. STOP beating yourself up with things you should have done or not done. You are where you are, focus your energy on all you have to offer now and on how you can keep growing from all your experiences. If you do not let go of the old,it will only keep haunting you and make you more miserable. The past is there as a learning opportunity for you to move forward not to dwell on regretting your decisions…

Which takes me to the second heading of your note book:

“Being Grateful”

There are 2 categories here:

1. “Every thing I have”

Yes, it is important to WRITE all you are grateful for having… do not forget the little things. When you are having your first cup of coffee in the morning, be grateful for that moment. When you look out your window, watching the snow falling and you are sitting in front of your fireplace (maybe with a glass of wine), write it down.

Be grateful for the “negative” things you have been blessed with. When you give thanks for these things, it will remind you that everything happens as an opportunity. It will help you to see problems as a growing experience.

2. “Every thing I am”

All of you that I had the pleasure of speaking with or communicating via email, has so many wonderful qualities. I noticed how all of you did not realize any of them through some of the moments you shared with me. So, this category is extremely important!

The way you manage to keep it all together at home. It is not easy for some of you, especially all you single moms out there! Getting up at 5:30, juggling to get the kids ready for either daycare or school, getting them there on time and finally getting to work…OUFFF, I ran out of breath just writing about it! WRITE it down! Managing all this is an incredible accomplishment, acknowledge yourself.

You have listened to a friend when they just needed to be heard. You have contributed in lifting someone’s weight off their shoulder.

You have stepped up and defending someone when they were being put down!

You helped a colleague at work with a project so they would succeed without any recognition.

These are all qualities that make you the special and unique person that you are!

This exercise does not end here. As you move forward in 2012, keep this notebook close to you, either on your desk at work or on your night table at home. Every time you find yourself in a state of regret or making a mistake, follow these steps. You will achieve a growth you never thought possible and probably accomplish that one thing you keep telling yourself is impossible! It is not true that you are doomed because of your past. You will be doomed depending on the decisions you make now, not because of the past.

Some of you have already shared with me how you are already on your way through exciting breakthroughs going in to 2012… It is amazing to see so many of you starting the new year by fulfilling your dreams. Keep me posted, I always enjoy reading all your comments and emails.

Let’s fill every single day with Love, Lots Of Laughter and following our passions!

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This entry was posted in Cleansing Your Beliefs, Curiosity For Knowledge, Do What You Love, Power to Let Go and tagged , , , , .

20 Responses to Kick Start 2012: Don’t Look Back; Look Straight Ahead

  1. Evelyne Varas says:

    Gracias Toni por tu inspiracion, todo el equipo en mi trabajo se han motivado con tus palabras y miran la vida y los desafios en una forma distinta. Sigue siempre asi…you’re the best!

  2. Cecilia says:

    Wow Antonia, I did the homework and afterward I was able to sleep like a baby… something I had not done for months!!! It was as if I was relieved and my mind put to peace finally. I did not have to juggle with everything that was on my mind anymore. I had all let it out on paper and I felt really good about it. I will of course continue since I saw the results instantly. If you are having insomnia problems this is the best therapy, really! Going to bed now. Take care and thank you for your blog. It is really inspiring!! xxx

  3. Wagner says:

    Hello Antonia, how are you, are you fine? I hope so!

    I have really appreciated your work and that let us a life lesson we should follow as example the fact that our experiences can help other people. That´s a nice inspiration from your part.
    Everyone faces challenges. Some full time, others part time and others from time to time, It´s fact that many times we do not finish our projects and give up them or let to later. All this unfinished projects bring us regrets and most time we believe we are incapable.

    A wise man called Salomon wrote:
    There is a time to everything and a season for every activity under heaven,
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak.
    I tell you something: If you did not get your target, you did not get the end of the way to reach your target.

    I´m sure of it: We feel regret at mistake while we have learnt from them and to rectivy the way, but we can not allow the regrets tie us at the past time because the most confinement is our own past with our mistakes we´ve done. Neither of us is unfailing.
    Never allow neitherr the world nor anyone says you can not change your life neither yourself.

    But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which I had dreamed before.
    And do that with all your strength, all your faith, all your hope and with the greatest of all, do everything with love…

    Wagner

    obs: some writtin were took off from the Holy Bible.
    Olá Antonia tudo bem? Espero que sim!
    Eu realmente apreciei o seu trabalho e isso nos deixa um lição de vida que devemos seguir como exemplo, o fato que como nossas experiências podemos ajudar outras pessoas que talvez estejam passando pelas mesmos infortunios.

    Todos nós enfrentamos dasafios. Alguns o tempo todo, outros parte do tempo e outros de tempo em tempo e é fato que muitas vezes não finalizamos os nossos projetos e abandonamos ou deixamos para depois. Isso tudo nos traz muito pesar e chagamos acreditar que somos incapazes.
    Um sábio chamado Salomão escreveu: Há tempo para cada coisa e um momento oportuno para toda atividade embaixo do céu:
    Há tempo de nascer e tempo de morrer.
    Tempo de plantar e tempo de arrancar o que plantou.
    Tempo de chorar e tempo de rir,
    Tempo de ficar calado e tempo de falar.
    Tempo de guerra e tempo de paz.
    Mas um coisa eu falo a você: Se você não alcançou o seu objetivo e porque você não chegou ao final. Eu tenho certeza que nós lamentamos nossos erros, enquanto aprendemos deles, e é necessário isso para corrigirmos os cursos das coisas. Mas não podemos deixar esses erros nos prender ao passado, porque a maior prisão é o nosso próprio passado com as lamentações e erros que nós cometemos.
    Eu normalmente aprendo dos meus próprios erros, mas uma coisa faço: Esquecendo o que esta atrás esforçando para alcançar o que está adiante, eu prossigo para o alvo para ganhar o que eu tinha sonhado antes.
    E eu faço isso com Fé, esperança e amor, mas o mais importante é o amor e tudo que te vier a mão faça com todas as suas forças.

    Wagner

    Obs: Algumas partes foram tiradas da Biblia sagrada.

  4. Susan Modderman says:

    e verhaal geeft me positieve energie om weer positief tegen dingen aan te kijken. Soms verzand je in een negatieve spiraal en lijkt alles tegen te gaan zitten. Met dit verhaal krijg je weer een oppepper en kun je (ik in ieder geval wel) weer positief tegen dingen aankijken.

    Wat ik erg mooi vind in je verhaal is: “Remember one very important thing, deep in your hearts, at the time you took the decision, you did so with the best intention and chose the best options available to you.”
    Soms denk je dat je achteraf dat een beslissing niet de goede is geweest, maar op het moment dat je de beslissing maakte was dat volgens jou de beste weg om in te slaan. Je kunt daar lang bij stil blijven staan, maar dat lost niets op.

    Ook deze vind ik erg mooi: The past is there as a learning opportunity for you to move forward not to dwell on regretting your decisions…”
    Het verleden kun je gebruiken om in de toekomst dingen anders aan te pakken. Je kunt lang spijt hebben van hoe de dingen gelopen zijn, maar je kunt er toch niets meer aan veranderen. Vooruit kijken en verder gaan.

    In het algemeen vergt het veel moed om een verandering door te voeren in je leven. Je gaat een weg inslaan die veel onzekerheid met zich meebrengt. Onzekerheid is iets waar veel mensen bang voor zijn en het daarom deze weg niet inslaan. De voorspelbaarheid is weg, je gaat iets tegemoet waarvan je niet weet hoe het zal gaan verlopen. Veel mensen durven het niet aan, er is veel moed voor nodig.
    Een lange reis maken, alles achter je laten en gaan. Veel mensen spreken er over, maar weinig doen het ook echt. Daar komt die onzekerheid weer om te hoek kijken…

    Ik hoop dat veel mensen jou verhaal zullen lezen en iets positiefs uit kunnen halen. Ik vind het in ieder geval geweldig! Ga zo door!

    Susan

  5. Susan Modderman says:

    Your story gives me my positive energy back to look at things positively. Sometimes you get bogged down in a downward spiral and everything seems to go the way you don’t want it to go. This story will give you another boost and you can (at least I can) see things positive again.

    What I really like in your story is: “Remember one very important thing, deep in your hearts, at the time you took the decision, you did so with the best intention and chose the best options available to you.”
    Sometimes you think that what you decided, later on wasn’t the best option, but at the moment when you made the decision it was for you the best. You can think a long time about you decision, but that is not going to solve anything.

    I also really like this part: The past is there as a learning opportunity for you to move forward not to dwell on regretting your decisions … ”
    The past can be used in the future to deal with things differently. You may regret for a long time why things happened the way they happened, but you can’t do anything about it. Look ahead and move on.

    In general, it takes a lot of courage to change things in your life. You are about to take a uncertain road, which brings a lot of uncertainty. Uncertainty is something that many people are afraid of and that is the reason why they don’t take this uncertain road. The predictability is gone, you will face things of which you don’t know how they will go. Many people dare not to, it takes a lot of courage.
    A long trip, leave everything behind and go. Many people talk about it, but few actually do it. There is that uncertainty again…

    I hope many people will read your story and that they will get something positive out of it. In any case I think it’s great! Keep it up!

    Susan

    • antonia says:

      Hello Susan, WOW, your comment just gives out so much positive energy!!! You have an amazing attitude towards facing those downward spirals in our life:) Just loved your comment, your positive attitude and courage will inspire others:)

  6. Ron says:

    Prachtige eerste blogpost voor 2012!

    Er zitten zeker weten lessen in voor mij zeker als het gaat om achteraf spijt hebben van beslissingen. Ik denk vaak wat er gebeurd zou zijn als ik een ander besluit had genomen. Je hebt helemaal gelijk dat dit nergens aan toe bijdraagt.

    Dankbaar zijn voor kleine dingen beschouw ik als een van de belangrijkste dingen in het leven. Zelf ervoer ik dat ik mij bovenstaande beter realiseerde tijdens mijn verblijf in andere delen van de wereld, bijvoorbeeld in Bolivia.

    Wat je zegt over de beste intenties van personen die beslissingen nemen geldt ook voor mij. Voor mijzelf geld dat zodra ik mijn (voor)oordeel achterwege houd en ervan uit ga dat de persoon een besluit neemt met de beste intenties ik het veel makkelijker vind om aan een verandering te wennen danwel met anderen aan een verandering te werken.

    Excellent first 2012 blog post!

    There are definitely some lessons in it for me as well, especially regarding the letting go of regrets/mistakes. I´ve often been thinking that if I´d have done that what would have happen. You´re right in saying that this gets us nowhere.

    I consider being grateful for many small things as one of the most important things in life. I found that being in a different part of the world and visiting places like Bolivia made me realise this more.

    What you said about the best intentions someone has when taking decicions is true for me. Myself, I found that as soon I tried avoiding judging someone or look at it as if the person had the best intentions when they made a specific decicion made it far more easier for me to adapt to changes or cooperating with other people to establish a change.

    • antonia says:

      Hello Ron, You certainly do experience so much when traveling…seeing, feeling, touching…how different cultures live gives hands on experience in appreciating the simple things. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, your insight on how you have learned to adapt easier to changes, very inspiring:)

  7. pilar says:

    loved it!

  8. jean kukla says:

    Very intelligent and inspiring; I love the way you provide and describe real concrete day to day examples which most of us have surely experienced. I guess there is a step by step therapeudic process to reach peace of mind. You just have to take the time…You obviously thought this out thoroughly.I really enjoy the spiritual side of it…A lot of food for thought…I think sometimes we actually forget about our souls; You have a knack to emphasize the importance of having a good talk with ourselves…It can bring one to a higher level and have a much better outlook on life…Gracias!

    • antonia says:

      Hello Jean, You said it best, “the importance of having a good talk with ourselves…” Thanks for the added, much valued comment!! Keep posted:)

  9. Seba says:

    Es increible cómo, este artículo, pone de manifiesto ese famoso dicho “A problemas complejos, soluciones simples”. Problemas complejos si lo son, los de nuestra mente-espírito-corazón, difíciles de entender hasta para uno mismo. Antonia, tus técnicas son asombrosas, uno puede desmembrar todos sus problemas, ponerlos sobre la mesa y deshacerse de ellos. Me encantó tu visión Antonia, tu talento para observar situaciones y proponer ideas, me inspira. También aprendí algo nuevo con tu artículo, cuando vos escribiste “Yes, your homework will require writing!! One of the most powerful healing of “letting go” technique I have learned is the power of writing. Writing allows you to be true to yourself in expressing emotions kept in the dark…”, es tan cierto!! Tenés razón Anto, cuando escribo notas personales siempre me siento sincero conmigo mismo. Gracias Anto por tu artículo, me ha empezado a ayudar con algunos de mis problemas mas grandes, realmente. Espero el próximo! Gracias por tu magia Antonia!

    • antonia says:

      Hello Seba, you certainly have an amazing, positive attitude…you have already taken a big step forward in recognizing certain things and wanting to get started! Continue with the writing process, it will only keep making you stronger:) Looking forward to hear how it goes:)

  10. Daesu Lee says:

    과거에 대한 후회가 없는 사람은 없겠죠. 하지만 그 후회를 극복한 사람과 그렇지 못한 사람의 오늘은 현저히 다를 것입니다. 후회를 극복하고 좀 더 나은 오늘을 살기위한 작은 노력을 시작하는데 이 글이 많이 도움이 될 것 같습니다. 저도 오늘부터 당장 시작해야겠어요.

    There is no one that doesn’t have regrets or mistakes. However, the life will be much better when we overcome the unhelpful things. I am sure that this video (or article) can help us to start a just small try to let them go. I need to do the homework mentioned here right now. Whoever you are, you need to read this.:-)
    Persons who don’t have regrets about the past. But he did not regret to overcome people’s will vary significantly today. Regrets for today live in overcoming some of the better to start a small effort to help a lot of this article. I would have to start from today, right now.

    There is no one that doesn’t have regrets or mistakes. However, the life will be much better when we overcome the unhelpful things. I am sure that this video (or article) can help us to start a just small try to let them go. I need to do the homework mentioned here right now. Whoever you are, you need to read this.:-) (Translated by Bing)

    • antonia says:

      Hello Lee, I agree, life will be much better when we overcome the unhelpful things (nicely put!)! Looking forward to hear about how your “homework” 🙂

  11. Petrouchka Levesque says:

    Je suis Vierge ascendante Vierge, vous comprendrez donc que oui, j’ai fais le devoir qu’Antonia nous propose dans ce “post”, mais je l’ai fais à une profondeur exponentielle… Ça m’a en fait pris plus de 15 ans…
    Je vous épargnerai donc les étapes et analyses de ce long processus personnel mais je partagerai volontiers avec vous la conclusion, qui se résume en un seul mot:
    POUVOIR
    Le Pouvoir de la connaissance de nos forces, faiblesses et limites nous donne le Pouvoir de la confiance en soi qui nous donne le POUVOIR de réaliser ce que bon nous semble…
    Alors, pourquoi ne pas se permettre “de rejoindre les rangs” de nos rêves les plus fous ou ceux ensevelis au plus creux de notre coeur???
    Vous n’en serez que plus heureux et fièr, ce qui amènera un aura positif sur votre entourage et un bien être accru de votre coeur et âme!!

    • antonia says:

      Hello Petrouchka, love your comment! Thank you for sharing with us how your personal experience can be summed up in one word, “Power”, the power in realizing our strengths and weaknesses gives us the power of self confidence!!!

      Beautiful!!

  12. Antonia, WOW- this video makes me think that you should have your own TV show or TV Network (like Oprah or Dr Phil, no offense here); it is like you have been doing this for ever! It feels that my TL is still physicaly present and that got smiling through all the video 🙂 …To my understanding, this is a lot of “heavy homework“ you `re proposing ! These exercises could stir up so many emotions-memory they could make me “crash“ in anger and tears! Almost like an exorcism sessions almost( getting rid of old hard clining internal demons!!!) . I would not want to impose to my husband to support me through this if anything, and , you`re so far away, and, you might have so many people to support during their “laboring“)( new birth). Wondering if you have any plans for this? Maybe I`m misunderstood what this is about and where this could lead? Other that I really like the idea ! Only hope that you `re not necessairly planning to give this type of homework every week , that we`ll get some time off in between to breath and put ourself back together 🙂 Thanks for all this nice work Antonia !

    • antonia says:

      Hello Michele,

      I am glad to hear you like “homework”. I agree, it could stir up some deep buried emotions:) It will be easier if you start small, do not start with a dark, deep, heavy regret or mistake that has been well kept hidden for many years. If you start small, you will slowly get the feel of the “letting go” process, you will experience how good it feels once you have done away with it. You will gradually work your way to a bigger one…The idea is to be able to let go of all the old barriers that are holding us back from moving forward. Once a month, I will invite a guest post to share their own personal experience, each story will help in inspiring others as they practice this exercise…so, there will not be “heavy homework” on a weekly basis, only stories to help you through this one. I will at some point in the future follow up on this exercise….:)

      Hope this helps, Michele!
      Looking forward to hearing from your experience:)