Letting Go of Anger and Pain

“My wallet is gone!”

“What do you mean it is gone,”, I replied. “You probably just left it back at the apartment.

Don’t worry, I”ll get lunch.”

“No, I took it with me, I am telling you it is gone!”

“Let’s just wait to get back to the apartment, it probably dropped out of your bag before we left.”

She didn’t say a word all the way back, biting her nails, she was trying to hide her insecurity.

It was our second day since our arrival in Buenos Aires. This would have been the second consecutive time my niece was robbed. She had $10 taken from the front zipper  of her backpack in the subway the day before.

She figured, by putting her wallet inside the deeper zipper of her backpack it would be harder for a pocket picker to reach, it should be fine.

When we got back to the apartment, we both searched for the wallet..it was nowhere to be found. Her wallet had been taken from inside her backpack again in the subway. This time, they hit the jackpot, she had brought along all her cash money, $300.

She went to her room, said she wanted to be alone for awhile. I let her be, I was worried, she is 17 years old, this is a huge change for her. She will probably want to go back home, where everything is familiar to her. After a half hour, I decided to go see her. She sat up on the bed, I took her in my arms. Tears started to roll down her face as she repeated that it was her fault. I told her it was not true. She was not to blame for some else’s actions. She stopped me and said, “I know that the action that took place was not my fault, but, this happened to me yesterday, I should have taken more precautions, you even warned me not to take all my money with me.” “I guess I really needed this experience to learn my lesson and know that I have to adapt to these changes. So, I have come up with a solution.” She was ready to go to the McDonalds in our neighbourhood and ask for a part time job to make up the money. She was willing to work in the back washing dishes since she did not speak spanish.

She faced the situation and came up with an alternative to move forward. Most importantly, she said, “ I am not going to let someone else’s wrong doing ruin my trip, I worked hard to come here, I deserve to enjoy myself.”

She strengthen her self confidence, “ If I continue to feel sorry for myself, I will build up anger. If I go back home, I will let the person who took my wallet also steal the adventures we planned on this trip from me.” “ The only thing I will remember and talk about is that I got robbed. I guess it cost me $300 to learn a big lesson, I can make back the money, but, I will probably never get to relive the adventures and the exciting memories to come.”  I was so proud of her!

When you are faced with a bad situation, it is normal to feel angry, hurt, scared or betrayed at first. If you take control of the situation and your emotions to work on getting past it, you will be educated from it. There is a lesson in everything you go through, it is not being foolish to forgive. It does not mean that you are excusing the act or trying to justify the wrong, it just means that you are strong enough to find understanding and accept the humanity in the person who brought you pain. In letting go, you realize that it was their freedom of choice (although you do not agree with their choice), that hurt you. This will allow you to remain the kind of person you really are and be in peace and harmony with yourself. Staying angry, victimizing yourself or even seeking revenge will eventually cause you even more pain and you will only end up hurting yourself more.

After my niece’s incident, her response towards the situation, allowed that we enjoyed the rest of the trip. We had many adventures, when we look back, we were able to laugh at the whole thing. Despite this act, she considers Buenos Aires as one of the best places to visit in the world. Pocket pickers are all over the world. Buenos Aires has 13 million people, cash is the biggest mode of payment, in taking certain common sense precautions, it could be avoided.

Do you find yourself retelling over and over the same stories of bad things that happened to you? Do you feel resentment towards someone for something that they did that hurt you? Ask yourself, how is keeping these stories alive by retelling them helping me? Is your resentment bringing you peace and happiness? Take the time to think about both these things, now imagine how your state of mind would be if those stories no longer existed, if you no longer felt that resentment… You will feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders!

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This entry was posted in Cleansing Your Beliefs, Power to Let Go and tagged , , , , , .

6 Responses to Letting Go of Anger and Pain

  1. antonia says:

    Hi Nikki, It is probably one of the hardest things to do! But, not impossible…

    You need to let your anger come out. Tell the person, acknowledge that you have been hurt and that there is a loss of trust. Both of you need to be completely open, it is the only way to see what needs to be done to set things straight.

    Whether or not the person apologizes, once you have voiced your feelings and expectations, stop focusing on the incident and set your sights on rebuilding the relationship or moving forward.

    It is extremely important to realize that the person’s wrong doing is a result of their weakness, not everyone values trust as it should be. You can not make yourself out to be a victim for some one else’s weakness. Of course, it would easier if the person takes accountability for their actions, but, YOU can not make that happen. This is hard, but, once you get a complete understanding of this, you will actually probably feel compassion for the other person.

    Another very important thing to know is that forgiving does not mean you are letting the person off the hook. If the relationship continues, a brand new level of trust will come in play. It will probably never be the same as it was…This is ok, the person has displayed that he has no respect for trust, it doesn’t mean you can no longer carry on the relationship, it just means it will be different. You need to know that this is a healthy thing, you are being sensitive to another betrayal…as they say, “Once bitten, Twice shy!”

    Always remember that when you forgive and let go of the negative feelings, it is for YOU, I repeat, you are NOT excusing the person’s actions! They are not worth your holding yourself back…It was a learning experience. Please, do not ever bring the incident back up in the future if another wrongful act occurs, you will only hurt yourself deeper. When you are able to gain the understanding on where the other person stands and his values and beliefs, it will become easier to forgive. By letting go, you will allow yourself to be at peace with yourself and focus on the positive things and all you have to offer…I know you are worth it!!

    Let me know how it works out!

  2. Nikki says:

    Question for you: How does one move on and let go when the act that caused the anger and pain is betrayal?

    • Hi Nikki,
      I`’ ll share from my own experience if you allow…
      Step 1 . once I discovered I got betrayed, I took all the time necessary alone-meaning I did not say a word to no one, so I took time to `digest`, think on previous possible signs I may have ignored, why I have chosen to ignore them, and in this case time to “ mourn“ bcause I knew it was the end for this relationship. Step 2. once I felt that I had gathered enough strenght ( bcase that betrayal killed me, I could not move talk,,,) I decided to find the way to let the person know that I was aware of the betrayal….Step3. because I had time to “mourn“ and find enough strenght to face the person, I was able to do it in a “better“ spirit\mode. I wanted to make sure that since the situation was already difficult, that nothing else(too intense negative emotion\reaction) would interfer( exercice self control)….. Step 4. I simply asked without expecting at all an answer from the wrong doer this question: what reaction can we expect from you if someone was to do the same to you? Step 5. I reminded the ‘normal common sense expectations’ for this kind of relationship, like trust. Step 6. I explained that no one is to not stay so close to someone so destructive, that I have a life, carreer, a family, daughter to care for and they need me full of energy and happy….not destroyed . Step 7. I reminded the persone my contribution to the relationship and explained that I understood that with this act, I was never valued enough, mocked, despised and that I could not agree to keep on giving to someone not knowing how to appreciate . Step 8. I saw the person leave my life …Step 9. I felt relief, and joy for gaining some respect back , and at time some fears for the future,,,but finally at the end, just no regrets at all … Hope this confirms some of the thoughts that may have crossed your heart !

  3. Pétrouchka says:

    À chacune des situations vécues, 2 choix s’offrent à nous;
    Un premier, souvent facile et évident, mais qui à un certain point, nous fera ignorer notre force intérieure…
    Ou un deuxième, beaucoup plus difficile et créatif, mais qui nous fera grandir!
    Bravo Daniela
    Beso y Abrazo xx

  4. Nathaniel Flint says:

    Wow! I am very impressed.
    For someone so young to possess such wisdom, a rare gift indeed.
    Hate, anger, resentment lead, in the long run and in my opinion, to self-destruction; there is no enduring, positive result in the ways of (aggressive) punitive actions. Moving forward is a strenuous path, even for the wisest of man.

  5. Heidi javadi says:

    ‎” There is a lesson in everything you go through, it is not being foolish to forgive. It does not mean that you are excusing the act or trying to justify the wrong, it just means that you are strong enough to find understanding and accept the humanity in the person who brought you pain. ” WOW!!! SO wise and well said.. very wise.

    She is amazing and This is such a valuable lesson, I dont know many people (including myself) who would overcome this not to mention rise above it! Way to go Dani indeed!!!